I recently was informed by a friend that i “have the ability to give a fantastic speech like Ted from How I Met Your Mother” and that is what i am going to do now.
I realised this week that my town is a hell hole. A forgotten place that gets no funding and has been described by Dolly Parton herself as “like a third world country”. I live in a town called Rotherham, which is correctly described as a dump! It is like the average child who is neither excellent nor poor. The town that has been forgotten. I then realised that because of my unimportant, ignored town i will probably never grow up to be who i want to or what i want to be.
When i was in primary school i was talented, not to blow my own trumpet, but i was. I could sing, I could act. I performed a solo at Sheffield city hall (in which more people turned up to see than they did to see One Direction) i played cinderella in my school play, and this is what i wanted to be, its what i wanted to do. I’m not saying i didn’t have other dreams, being a forensic scientist/psychologist has always been an idea of a career path for me, but at this point in my life i really wanted to be and actress or singer. I know people say when your at primary school your 11 years old so you can’t know for sure what you want to do with your life, but i did, i really wanted to act and sing. After leaving primary school is where everything all went downhill!
After primary school i thought everything was going to be good, but it wasn’t! My secondary school started out ok, you see in your first year you don’t actually have drama lessons you have a foundation class which covers english/drama/RE. And i used to love drama in foundation classes, i recall doing our own, rewritten version of Shrek and it was so cool! But i still had music lessons. These lessons were just full of doing nothing and pissing around and there was never anything to practice singing and slowly that talent was drawn from me. then, after my first year we did have drama lessons but again, they were just full of nothing and playing games and i also forgot how to act. People say these aren’t abilities that you lose, you cant forget how to act or how to sing, but if you leave i violin that forgets how to sing, why should a person be any different?
After my dreams of acting and singing had been pulled from me and forgotten, i decided to focus on my second love science. Being a forensic scientist had alway been a dream of mine so i decided to put all the effort and passion i once had for acting and pour it into science. I really loved it too, i got on with my teachers and even though i had to do all 6 science exams at the sane time (because i was too ill to do them in January) i managed to pass with and A in physics and A in chemistry and a B in Biology. In my final years of secondary school i also took psychology, this then also became a love of mine and i started to look at forensic psychology as a possible future. Although, these are the things i did in my final years, my fondest memories of secondary school are in Graphics. My teacher was great, and my friends were great in the class. I ended up leaving school with full marks in the subject.
As i went off to college i decided to take Chemistry, Psychology, Maths and Graphics. I thought, as i did going up to secondary school with my drama prospects “this is going to be good”, boy was i wrong! As i have gone through college my dreams of forensic science have been drawn from me with an average grade of D in chemistry and Maths. I payed to resit these subjects, trying even harder with revision than i did the first time round, and i managed to come out with even worse grades! My once incredibly happy memories of graphics have also been took from me with grades of E and D instead of the full marks i was so proud to gain at GCSE. My awesome teacher at GCSE level has been replaced by several who all tell me to do different things, all who disagree with each other and one teacher who laughed in my face when i said i wanted to go to university and told me “it’s a waste of time applying because you won’t get in and you wont get no where in life”. All i an left with now is psychology, a subject that i excel in but do not test well in. I hate that i can’t get into university for Psychology just based on my psychology result, instead i have to have 3 perfect results, one of which has to come from my Graphics lesson except i don’t see why it is relevant.
I have grown up in a town where my education has pulled all my hopes, dreams, passions and loves from me and left me talentless and unintelligent! I am so bored and angry with a town that’s famous for Jeremy Clarkson and the highest teenage pregnancy rate! and most importantly i am annoyed with myself that its took me so long to realise what has happened, what i have lost. All this loss, and failure has made me a (even though its hard for some people to believe) shy person, a person who won’t do things for fear of embarrassment! I want the 11 year old me back, the 11 year old that dreamed big and didn’t give a shit what other people thought and thats never going to happen in the society we live in today! We live in a world where no one is given a chance! “you need experience”, “Your too young”, “your unqualified for this”. Just because you have no experience, or not the right qualifications, doesn’t mean you can’t do it! How are we supposed to gain experience if no one is willing to give us the chance in the first place. All it takes is one person, one person to think with the dreams of an 11 year old, to think with an optimistic future and just give someone a chance. We live in a world where pessimism is the No.1 religion and our favourite word is NO and until we live in a world with optimism and big dreams, i don’t think the 11 year old me, or anyone else with big dreams will reappear. although i really wish the 11 year old me would reappear.
That is all